as to why…!

 

It was summer 2006. An endless summer, the longest I have ever lived. Dearly loving somebody and because of my disturbing predisposition to be a victim I left myself be dragged in a very painful situation, which proved to be the end of my naïve optimistic view of the people and the world but at the same time a good lesson on relationships, human nature,true love, destiny and knowledge of self. ( I terribly dislike the way I said this) Now, what does this have to do with Billy? Well Billy was “born” as a result of this summery situation. The story (short) goes like this: there is a woman (she is not me, and this is not a pathetic, and ineffectual attempt to make the others believe that it actually is me ) who loves a man. Her situation is clear, his very foggy; her signals very clear, his very confusing, one such being the lyrics of “C`mon Billy” posted on the woman`s blog(by this very man) and some other lyrics, again of P.J.Harvey:

“I Think I’m A Mother”

You think you’ll come over

I’ll give you my number
You lover supporter
Then give me your mother
You come take me home and
Take me to your doctor
You think you’ll come over?

I think I’m a mother

Roll over, roll over
And roll me a man-a
You lover, my lover
You just roll me over
You give me your mother
A man if I love her
I love her, I’ll keep her
I better just keep her

” Come on and support her “
I said to the mother
She said you come over
She said she’d support her
I love her, I kept her
And then she just left and
Alone, I emplore ya
I think I’m a mother
Need your mother,

more than ever
Need your mother

Now this seems like a technically open declaration of love but it wasn`t. The reasons of it not being such are very complex and the majority of them unknown to me. So, after this blog trip the man has to leave the country where they both presently live. Saying goodbye to him the woman whispers : ”I will always wait for you Billy!”I do not know the effect that such a terribly engaging promise had on Billy, since I am not very sure about his feelings just like he himself was not, but I can imagine a few reactions also depending on his means of transportation : plane, car, bike, horse, skates, broom etc. Anyways at this point Billy becomes “the Billy”, the true love, a symbol. Meanwhile, I (being not the woman mentioned up and above ) was in a pitiful state, trying to live with this thick, foggy pain that enwrapped my brain and lungs and made my heart beat in a fearsome way, mostly due to the above mentioned woman who after all decided that Billy was not worthy to wait forever for. So I wrote, as a way of dealing with unjustice. I wrote a poem, for and to my Billy. And after another one, and after another one, and it felt so good! And I thought to write a poetry book about Billy that would be entitled “A simple and easy guide to Billy” being convinced at the same time of the impossibility of truly and wholly knowing somebody. But the book never came to be so I made a blog. To my Billy then!